I turned 50 this year, and occasionally I still have moments when I wish that I could be more like a shiksa and stop talking so much in order to be prudent, at-peace with the past and present. Then I think of my Jewish sisters and recover my pride.
We are subject to violence and the pain of exclusion both within and without our communities, yet our testimony is regarded with suspicion at the same time that we are seen as privileged, protected and promiscuous. It’s enough to drive any bitch crazy, and yet Jewish women are the most brilliant and productive people I know, despite the difficulty of being women who are not delicate, frivolous, or meek; always-already alienated from the feminine ideal.
Many of us also suffered from Jewish mothers too traumatized to mother us, and we take care of each other.
I don’t know why the world can’t feel our pain, and I’ve told more than one therapist that it’s like we’re seen as Teflon, incapable of being harmed or damaged.
When I feel anguish about the terms of my survival and reduce myself to a problem, I can find myself again when I recall that I am of-Miriam, and carry the primeval rage of Jewish women forced to choose between sanctuary and freedom.
I know I’m not the only Jewish woman still tweaking from the erasure of the rape, sexual torture and murder of Israeli women on October 7th by National and International Women’s groups who refused to condemn the crime or express empathy for our horror and loss.
We know this erasure reinforces what is really meant by those who view our violation as a form of “political resistance:” these Jewish women deserved it and need not be mourned. It’s hard to convey this ancient pain of feeling dispensable, reduced to a problem in the world. I am in awe of Jewish women because it also drives our will to create movements, make discoveries, and write books that change the world.
We are of one-life with our Israeli sisters and will never stop mourning them, nor forget the lesson re-learned every generation: we take care of each other because we must always save ourselves.
I think this helps explain why so many of us rely on the herb as friend and companion, and why we are transforming the medical cannabis industry with #JewishWomanEnergy.
To all my Jewish sisters who have suffered abandonment by those who have sworn to love us: I got you. We got this.
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